I'm tired of sitting back and thinking the words will come to me. I'm also tired of thinking and trying so hard to make the words conform to absurd, self-made rigid molds that I shut myself down. Getting up off my ass to DO SOMETHING and MAKE A DIFFERENCE, as Aaron and so many people have said since a long time ago, is not hard. So what the heck am I doing letting deadlines pass by and shutting myself down because my brain says these words are not good enough and the story has to be told a certain way and damn it, my willingness to indulge analysis gets in the way of getting anything done. Screw that.
I don't know if I'm meant to be a journalist or a writer and there is no way that I am going to wax poetic about how it is my passion anymore because talking and writing like that means that it isn't really something I feel. I have to say it because I'm hoping that if I say it enough, I'll believe it and that'll make it true. So no more. Just write it and do it.
Teaching. Yes, I love kids and I think they're adorable and I want to play with them and teach them new things about life and toys and games and people, but I need practice first. Just like in writing. Practice, practice, practice. Proficiency and skill are not going to come any other way. So classes, lessons, do it and get out there and find the best teachers and mentors to help me and there it'll be. No wishful thinking and writing or talking it into reality anymore. Just do it and enjoy it and learn from it and expand on it and share it. Spread it - like really good butter and jam.
Do it, do it, do it - always do it... first, before anything else. Be cautious, but don't be afraid to do it just because there are so many scenarios that can happen. I need this to happen. I need to stop worrying and holding myself back and acting like I can put off for tomorrow what can be done today. Pfut.
So here are my writing archives. And lesson plan archives. All the publishable and enactable products of my work - of getting up and out into the world beyond four walls and doing. Flying is in the feeling, not the measuring of wing span and speed. Weather permitting, yes, but salmon swim upstream every year, so this New Yorker can handle herself in the air. Dip and soar. Feel it. Do it.
